The One Who Makes Him Smile
by moon71
Summary: While Ayaka shares the tea ceremony with Eiri, she reflects on the events that brought Hiro, Shuichi and Eiri himself into her life. Based on anime eps. 4 to 10. CHAPTER 6: To make him smile.  Ayaka receives an offer... but is it what she really wants?
1. The Azaylea Garden

**THE ONE WHO MAKES HIM SMILE by Moon71**

**Rating: **K – generally harmless.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gravitation. Pity, really.

**Dedication: **This time, I think it should simply be to everyone who reviewed "Three Little Words" or didn't review but at least read it – you made a very nervous "first timer" very happy! With particular gratitude to "Piltdown Girl" – you know who you are.

**Summary: **While Ayaka shares the tea ceremony with Eiri, she reflects on the events that brought Hiro, Shuichi and Eiri himself into her life.

**Author's Note: **Right. This will be a long one! Deep breath!

Yes, this an Ayaka-based story – if you like her, I hope you will enjoy my portrayal of her.

If you hate her but enjoyed my other story – well, I can only hope you will trust me and give this a go. There is nothing non-canon hiding in it to bite you; I have said many times I am a very conservative slash writer and it will be a cold day in that very hot place where naughty people go when I pair any couple who weren't originally paired by their creator.

If you hate Ayaka _and _me – well, then I'm surprised you've got this far!

Personally I thought she was rather a sweet character – admittedly her anime image was a bit on the homely side, but I really can't see why she deserves the clobbering she gets from so many Gravitation fans. At any rate, I couldn't resist the great writer's pleasure of retelling established events from a new perspective.

**Setting: **This story is based on the anime, episodes 4 to 10, and relies on the anime's timeline. However, that hasn't stopped me calling on the manga where it was more informative!

**Technical stuff: **I have tried as much as possible to stick to the anime's sense of time, but obviously sometimes I had to take a good guess. I got the distinct impression that Ayaka must have stayed another night in Tokyo (with Eiri? In a hotel? Who knows?) before the concert, because they've both changed their "kit" at least once, but I've it down to one night's stay to avoid unnecessary complications. The same goes for travel distances – I apologise unreservedly for any mistakes I've made about how long it would take to get from Kyoto to Tokyo.

More seriously, I sincerely do apologise for any mistakes I make over Japanese customs and lifestyle; Kyoto in particular. I had to give Ayaka some sort of background, and judging from her dress sense and general demeanour, not to mention details on Eiri's past, I got the sense of a conservative, middle-class small-town mentality. At some point a writer's imagination has to be allowed to run havoc over reality or nothing would get written - so don't be too harsh with me!

And now, Windbag71 will let you read the story.

* * *

"It's really to do with Nakano. Nakano Hiroshi." 

"Nakano-san?" I turned sharply before I could stop myself. For a moment Eiri's eyes met mine and I felt as though he was staring right down into my soul. I looked away quickly, concentrating on my work. "Is he… all right?"

"He's quit the band."

This time I made sure I did not turn around, and made sure my voice was quite steady before I answered. "I'm… very sorry to hear that." My tone sounded artificial, but perhaps Eiri would just mistake it for indifference. Of course I was bursting with questions but I would not – simply would _not_ ask them of Eiri, so I focused on the preparation of the tea and waited for him to continue.

"It seems recent events have… upset him." There was a wry humour in Eiri's voice now, though he did not elaborate. He hardly needed to. Even here in remote, quiet Kyoto we had television sets and internet connections. Eiri's very public "coming out", as they called it, the revealing of his love affair with Shindou Shuichi, had been as well covered here as in Tokyo. I hadn't seen or spoken to Hiro since then – I had thought about calling him, but had hesitated, wondered if it would appear too forward, or as if I was just hungering after gossip like so many were, or if I was really acting as some sort of spy for the Uesugi family, or…

A thousand reasons had appeared to block my way, and none of them sounded entirely convincing, but I had kept my silence.

"If you ask me he just needs to grow a thicker skin…" Eiri declared dryly. I could not help a small stab of irritation. _You tried that and it got you nowhere, Eiri-san,_ I thought, and was surprised at the force of my bitterness. But it seemed cruel of him to sneer at Hiro's sensitivity.

"I can't believe Nakano-san would seriously give up his music," I said at last.

Glancing back over my shoulder, I saw Eiri shrug. "They're organising a press conference to announce it tomorrow. They've got a national tour planned so I suppose they want to replace him as quickly as possible."

I did not answer. The reality of what he was saying was finally sinking in, and it made no sense. That first night we had met I had listened to Hiro and Shuichi (I allowed myself to think of them in such informal terms, at least in the privacy of my own thoughts; I had a feeling they would not mind) talking so enthusiastically about their band, their eyes shining as they talked of their debut. Then I thought about Hiro on stage, so absorbed by his guitar playing, exchanging happy glances with his band-mates, so obviously treasuring every second of the performance. And the disagreements with his parents over his choice of career. Now, when Bad Luck were just beginning to enjoy some real success – now he was giving up?

I tried to focus on the matter in hand, namely Eiri's presence here in my home. It wouldn't be long before my parents got wind of it and I might never find out why Eiri had come. "This is very sad news," I said quietly, "but I don't understand why you've come all this way to tell me."

I sensed Eiri shifting slightly, as if he wasn't quite comfortable. Then I heard him clear his throat. "I thought perhaps… you might be able to help."

"_Me?"_ Once again I could not help turning to stare, my heart beating just a little quicker. "What can _I _do?"

Eiri lowered his eyes, a frown creasing his brow as if he didn't know where to start, or if he wasn't sure why he was starting at all. Then he told me everything. His voice, his expression… none of it betrayed a thing. He was too well practised at hiding his feelings for that. But I knew. I knew for whom all this effort was being made.

I listened in silence, my eyes lowered, my head bowed, keeping perfectly still. Only my burning cheeks or my quickened breathing might have betrayed the storm of emotions swirling within me. It was not just my pride that he was wounding or my heart he was stabbing as he so carelessly disregarded the love he knew I felt for him in encouraging me to accept another. It was as if my most private thoughts and feelings as a woman were being violated – as if I was stripped naked before him. He hadn't just come here on the random chance that he could charm me into doing his bidding; he _knew – _he had seen something, heard something, deduced something. Was I that transparent? Was I such an open book to him?

I still had a thousand questions to ask him. But not yet. Not until I was sure I wouldn't start to shout or scream or cry. "Would you care to take tea with me, Eiri-san?"

"I… wouldn't want to put you to any trouble," he answered slowly.

I nearly burst out laughing at the absurdity of his words, but steadied myself by taking a deep breath. "It would be an honour," I said, in a tone that I am pleased to say left no room for argument.

* * *

How much more complicated things had become since the day Seguchi Mika had visited me, just a few years ago. She had begun to visit us quite regularly when she travelled from Tokyo to see her family; ostensibly it was just to pay her respects to my mother and to our temple, but I became aware that she was watching me rather closely. I remember being fascinated by her – her sophistication, her assured manner, her glamorous clothes… she represented a world I knew little about but couldn't help admiring.

Gossip was a way of life in Kyoto and I had heard many stories, good and bad, about the Uesugi family. My father had his doubts about the children – he did not think much of Mika's choice of husband, regarding Seguchi Tohma as flashy and "modern", though my mother knew the Seguchi family and considered them "good." And neither of them was quite sure what to make of Eiri, even before he had gone to New York. But they had nothing but respect for Uesugi-san himself.

On one visit Mika asked to see the new garden I had created. I was only too eager to show her the azaleas I had so lovingly cultivated which had only just exploded into vibrant colour, but when we reached them she hardly seemed to notice them at all. She sat down on the small bench I had placed to give the best view and beckoned for me to sit beside her. "Do you remember my brother Eiri, Ayaka-chan?"

"Oh yes, Mika-san," I responded attentively. Of course I remembered him – he was not easy to forget.

When I had first seen him I have to admit I had been startled by his white skin, golden-yellow hair and equally golden-yellow eyes. It wasn't as if I'd never seen a foreigner before, but Eiri didn't just look foreign; he looked… alien. The rest of his features, right down to his high cheekbones and almond shaped eyes, were distinctly Japanese. When I saw him with his brother and sister, both of whom he so closely resembled, it was as if all the colour had been washed out of him. I remember thinking of a white rabbit and asking my mother if Eiri-San was an albino. She had just told me not to be silly and admonished me never to say such a thing in the company of the Uesugis. But I had not meant the question unkindly; I had only been a child.

Not that I ever saw much of Eiri – he was older than me, and a boy, and very shy besides, and Mika was too old and too busy to become a real friend to me. If anything I saw Tatsuha most, because he was young and loud and always making mischief with my cousins who lived very nearby. Standing now in my garden, I realised that the last time I had seen Eiri was at Mika's wedding. He had actually seemed happy then – Seguchi Tohma was as attentive to him as an indulgent uncle and Mika, who was usually very strict with her brothers, having to be as much a mother to them as a sister, now seemed softer and more relaxed.

A lot had changed since then – Seguchi-san had taken Eiri to New York for a "fresh start" after episodes of bullying, truanting from school and (so the gossips had it) increasingly bitter fights with his father. Then one day they had returned, apparently with little warning, and though the gossip network thrummed harder than ever, nobody knew exactly why, except that Eiri seemed to get into even more trouble than he had before he had left, with an addition that he was now rude, aggressive and wilful – for which they blamed the Americans – and spent most of his time with Seguchi-san and Mika in Tokyo.

"I have heard his novels are very successful," I added, when Mika did not immediately continue. The gossips were divided about _that_ – my father had heard that the books were full of sex and violence, but some of my friends had read them and thought them "wonderfully romantic."

"My brother has had a difficult life," Mika said at length, her gaze wandering sightlessly around my garden. "He still has…problems. He says he's happy the way he is, but I don't believe it. I think maybe he needs…" she gave a soft sigh. "I think he needs some sort of stability. Someone to care for him. A fresh start."

Another fresh start. It was not my place to comment on that. "I see," I said politely, though I didn't.

"You're a sweet, natural girl, Ayaka-chan," Mika said suddenly, fixing her large, beautiful eyes upon me. "I think you could be good for my brother."

I stared at her for a moment, and then looked away, blushing violently. "I…"

"I'm sure you've heard rumours… gossip…" she went on quickly, her tone becoming both bitter and defensive. "About his lifestyle, I mean."

I said nothing. Of course I'd heard – about his many women, about his drinking and smoking, about his refusal to return to Kyoto and take on his father's temple.

"But underneath it all he's still the boy he was. He just needs someone to help him realise that…"

"I'm honoured that you think I could help Eiri-san, Mika-san," I murmured, embarrassed to feel myself trembling just a little. "But I…"

"I'm having a birthday party for Tatsuha next week," Mika went on as I faltered, "and Eiri's agreed to come down for it. If I brought him to visit your garden…"

"Does he care for azaleas?" I found myself asking, rather stupidly.

Mika gave me a sad little smile. "Our mother used to like them," she said very softly, "that might be enough…"

* * *

And oddly enough, it was. 

It was so strange seeing Eiri again. In that time he had become a man – tall and, I had to admit, very handsome. His voice was resonant and deep and he moved with the same assurance as his sister, with the added confidence of a man who knows he is attractive to women, and envied by men. I did not understand such things then, but I have grown up a lot in the last few years. His clothes were modern but as with Mika he knew how to choose them and how to wear them. Next to him I felt glad I had elected to wear a traditional kimono – when I wore modern clothes I always felt conservative and frumpy and would certainly appear provincial to him.

But it was neither his looks nor his poise nor his dress that touched my heart as I wandered slowly though the flowers with him. I felt something stir within me the first moment I looked at him, but it wasn't desire, not just then. Throughout the visit Eiri was patient and polite; for the most part he remained remote, avoiding my gaze, not making any effort to keep my attention. But beneath that expressionless face I saw something – some inner confusion, some deep unhappiness. And though I think he admired the flowers, he never once gave the slightest smile, to them or to me.

I remember finding it hard to believe he was really still only twenty years old. Though there wasn't a line or a wrinkle on his pale, beautiful face, he seemed so much older than me, so much older than any of the young men I knew who would surely have been his peers growing up – so very much older than the boy I remembered. I told myself it was a sign of his maturity, of his busy and responsible life as a newly successful author, but was not quite convinced by my own arguments.

Within a few hours he was gone. I sat alone on the bench until the light faded, feeling dizzy and feverish, not yet sure what was happening to me.

The next morning I went to the local bookshop and bought every Yuki Eiri novel I could find, staying up all night to read as much as I could before the text began to swim before my eyes. So much anger. So much pain. He made his characters suffer so terribly, and made his readers suffer with them. For all the coolness he affected, I could not help but feel those violent emotions stemmed from deep within the writer himself. Yet at the same time there was so much passion in his stories; his characters loved with the jealous violence of those who had nothing but love to call their own. And if Eiri was capable of feeling such deep pain, surely he was equally capable of feeling such deep love?

Love. Yes, that was it. In one afternoon, I had fallen in love. With a man I would not see again for another two years.

TBC


	2. Ayaka's Tokyo Adventure

**THE ONE WHO MAKES HIM SMILE by Moon71**

**Chapter 2: Ayaka's Tokyo Adventure**

**Summary: **Ayaka makes her fateful journey to Tokyo to confront her elusive fiancée, and runs into two interesting young musicians…

**Author's Notes: **I know Ayaka isn't everyone's cup of tea, so I'm grateful to all who have given this story a read. In particular I want to thank **Imaybi1, Earthlight, Estelle Stafford **and **Bakayaro onna **for such supportive reviews, and of course **Vindalootoo **for reading (and liking!) the story before I posted it!

As I said in the last chapter, I have mainly based this on the anime, but parts of this one in particular drew on the manga version too, especially of course the presence and character of Hiro's brother.

* * *

Looking back, I could see how stupid, how childish and reckless I must have seemed to Hiro and Shuichi that evening in Tokyo. I had told no-one I was going there – I had not even told my family I was leaving Kyoto. All I knew was that if I did not do _something,_ I would go mad. It all seemed to be happening around me, without anyone paying much attention to what _I _might have to say.

Eiri was by all accounts refusing to come home, in spite of the best efforts of Mika and Seguchi-san. Uesugi-san was insisting Eiri would return but my father was growing restless and my mother had heard many stories of Eiri's promiscuity and was now questioning whether they should have agreed to the match in the first place. Mika still visited me, and each time she tried to reassure me that I could be the saving of her brother, but I could see that she was troubled. One time, when her husband accompanied her, I could see the doubt lying behind his oversweet smile. "I think perhaps Seguchi-san doesn't quite approve of the idea," I questioned boldly when Mika and I were alone.

Mika sighed heavily. "It's nothing to do with you," she said, "really it isn't. Tohma just isn't sure marriage is the answer for Eiri. Tohma loves Eiri," she added suddenly, "In an odd sort of way, more than he loves me."

She glanced at me then, but there was no embarrassment or bitterness in her face, only a gentle amusement. "It's not the way it sounds. If it was, do you think I would have let him take Eiri to New York? It's almost like the love of a mother for her child – and you know how obsessive a mother can be. Besides, he feels so guilty. He never says so, but I know he feels he failed me… he knew how worried I was about Eiri and he promised to look after him in New York, so when… when things went wrong…" She shook her head. "I should never have agreed to it. It wasn't fair to offload Eiri and his problems onto…" She caught herself then and said no more. I said nothing. I sensed she was lonely, that she needed to confide in someone. And if her husband was as deeply involved in Eiri's problems as she was, perhaps she was reluctant to burden him with her worries.

How, in light of that, could _I _burden her with _mine?_ Besides, I had to separate myself from her, from the Uesugi family – even from Kyoto. Perhaps, just perhaps, if it was just Eiri and me, alone in Tokyo, perhaps he would see me in a different light…

And so I set off to Tokyo, a foolish girl thinking herself a grown woman. But I have never regretted it for a moment since. Well, except perhaps for when those horrible men began pestering me in the park…

* * *

All day I had been buzzing with excitement – it was an adventure, where everything was new. I'd never been to Tokyo before and I reasoned in my ignorance that it would not be difficult to find Eiri's flat. By the late afternoon, having travelled the wrong way on the underground for some time, then getting overcharged by a taxi driver before realising I had the name of the street wrong, the excitement was fading and I was hungry and tired and the light was failing. By the time I approached those men, I was desperate enough to ask anyone for help.

And that was when Nakano Hiroshi and Shindou Shuichi exploded into my life like a couple of brave samurai warriors protecting the meek (and stupid) from evil bandits. Actually it was Shindou Shuichi I noticed first, with his bright pink hair and his quick gymnast's grace. But it was Nakano Hiroshi who held my attention. His voice was low and confident – a little like Eiri's, perhaps, but so much warmer. My heart was beating very fast as he questioned me; unlike with Eiri, I was very conscious of Hiro's good looks. Not even the long, auburn tinted hair, which would have made my father run screaming for a pair of scissors, detracted from that – in fact, I rather liked it. When I looked at him I somehow knew it was all right to accept his help.

Of course they could not believe it when I told them I was from Kyoto. When I explained why I had come, Hiro said nothing, but Shuichi's eyes brightened just a little and I saw sympathy there. How ironic - I can still remember wondering if he was also in love, or if he just had a particularly soft heart.

Two boys my mother would probably have crossed the street to avoid – unemployed (by my family's standards), streetwise, their vocabulary full of slang, their heads full of pop-culture – yet they were both so kind to me and really seemed to want nothing in return. Except, perhaps, to hear me make appreciative noises as they boasted about their band and Shuichi even sang me one of their songs, offering me two complimentary tickets to their first solo concert (one for me, one for a special friend, he added with a friendly wink) that I was quite certain I would never get a chance to use. In spite of my doubtful situation, I found myself so glad I had made this journey, no matter what the final outcome.

After a while Shuichi seemed eager to leave and I was once again reminded that I had nowhere to spend the night. I could not ask them to walk me to Eiri's – it was so late now and besides, I was no longer sure about the address. Perhaps there was just something about Hiro that persuaded me to trust him – perhaps in the back of my mind I realised I just had very little choice.

As it was, there were no good hotels available for the money I had – even the money we had between us. The only places were of the kind Hiro insisted were not suitable for "a lady." In the end our wanderings were cut short by a phone call from Hiro's brother Yuuji, who was having a karaoke party for a few friends, some of whom, Hiro assured me in a gentlemanly fashion, were female.

The party lasted well into the early hours, but I admit I enjoyed it immensely. Yuuji was an actor, though he cheerfully confessed that he hardly ever got any work.

"I'm the despair of my family," he told me with a theatrical flourish, "they've long since given up hope! Hiro's all they have left… but Hiro's more interested in his music than in going to medical school…!"

Hiro glanced at me in embarrassment. "I guess I'm just not cut out to be a doctor," he mumbled.

"He's being modest, Ayaka-chan," Yuuji sighed, "Hiro is a straight-A student. But he follows his heart instead of his head, just like me…"

"I think it's always right to follow your heart," I replied with some feeling. As both brothers turned to look at me, I blushed and asked what we were going to sing next. In between songs we talked, mainly about Yuuji's bit parts and Hiro's music. All of the other friends were some sort of artists; as I listened to them I felt a pang of envy, and wished for a moment I could tell them my fiancé was a famous writer. But they probably wouldn't believe me, and besides, I didn't quite feel I had the right to claim Eiri as my own, at least not until I had seen him again.

Looking back, I wonder why we never heard Hiro's mobile ringing again and again. But perhaps the music was just too loud.

TBC


	3. A Moment With Eiri

**THE ONE WHO MAKES HIM SMILE by Moon71**

**Chapter 3: A moment with Eiri**

**Summary: **Ayaka finally gets to see the man she loves. It's the moment she has been dreaming of, but she's in for a rude awakening…

**Author's Notes: **Once again I am overwhelmed by the reviews – such kind and supportive words! I hope this story will win Ayaka a few more friends, but in the meantime its nice to know I'm not the only one who likes her!

* * *

Once again I'm following the anime fairly closely. I have watched both the subtitled Japanese and the English (American) dub a number of times, and prefer some bits in one, some bits in the other. Which version I have used for dialogues reproduced here depended on which I thought sounded better on paper. But I did rather like the Rome Elliot Yuki's particular tones in the pre-concert scene with Ayaka – that mixture of bored and bewildered…

I have sometimes wondered if Uesugi Tatsuha had been a fox in a former life. He certainly must have been with real cunning, if everything I have heard of his double life is true. In Kyoto he is admired as a good and dutiful son, respectful to all, perfectly suited to inherit his father's temple. My cousins, though, told a different story of his hell raising in Tokyo – his drinking, his womanising; his unnatural obsession with Sakuma Ryuichi, the singer in Seguchi-san's band. But if any of these stories ever filtered through to those whose opinions held any weight, the blame could be conveniently laid at the door of Eiri-san, the rebellious, libertine, fair-haired aberration.

To me Tatsuha had always been a source of amusement and distant affection, younger than I was and therefore easy enough to bully into doing my bidding. So when I followed Hiro into the NG recording studio that morning and saw Tatsuha grinning crookedly at me, all I felt was mild irritation at the embarrassment and inconvenience he might cause me. I had no intention of going back to Kyoto without seeing Eiri and there was no way Tatsuha could force me, especially not with my new friends to protect me. My parents would be furious – but if Tatsuha had been sent here to find me, the damage had surely been done, even before I had been away from home all night. At least if I stood my ground I would not go home completely empty-handed.

How very sure I was of myself! How blind I was to the furtive glances being exchanged over my head in that studio; how little I suspected how quickly my world would be turned upside down!

The idea that Shuichi thought it was _Tatsuha_ I had come all this way to see only seemed humorous to me just then – somewhere in the back of my mind I supposed Tatsuha had told Shuichi some story about us to win his trust. I only started paying attention when Shuichi began spiritedly arguing my defence.

"You said she's Yuki's fiancée," I heard him say in a voice that sounded a little strained. Odd, I thought, to hear Eiri called "Yuki" – perhaps that was what all his Tokyo friends called him? "Therefore she's got the right to see him, hasn't she?"

"Shuichi, whatever you've got in mind, let it go," Tatsuha was warning in a surprisingly uneasy tone, "whatever way you play it, you'll only end up annoying the crap out of Eiri! Trust me on this, man – we can talk about it later, but first let me get Ayaka-chan home…"

"She deserves to see him!" Shuichi protested, "I _want_ her to see him! If you won't come with us I'll take her there myself!"

I glanced toward Shuichi then, hoping to reward him with a grateful smile, but he was staring resolutely at the ground, his cheeks flushed with inexplicable passion. In confusion I turned to Hiro, but he was also avoiding my gaze, a troubled frown on his face.

I could make no sense of this sudden coldness, but it oppressed me deeply, making me suddenly doubt the wisdom of the reunion I had been so determined to bring about. What if Eiri was angered by this intrusion into his Tokyo life? What if he complained of my recklessness to Mika-san? As the three of Tatsuha, Shuichi and I set out on foot to Eiri's house, I tried to drive back my doubts by making polite conversation.

"How do you know Eiri-san, Shindou-san?" I asked Shuichi, pausing to fall into step with him as he dragged behind.

He shrugged, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. "We're friends, that's all," he mumbled, "just friends."

I saw Tatsuha glance back over his shoulder, then roll his eyes and turn away again.

"Well… of course," I said with a small smile, slightly confused by this answer, "I'm very pleased about it too! I mean… of all the people to come to my rescue last night, who would have thought it might be friends of my – of Eiri-san? Isn't that funny?"

"Yeah," Shuichi answered dully, "hysterical."

I glanced uneasily at him. With glittering eyes, flushed cheeks and lips pressed into a pout, he reminded me of one of my little cousins when they were being scolded for something and were stubbornly struggling not to cry. What was I missing? Did Eiri have a girlfriend Shuichi and Hiro were fond of? Were they just upset Eiri hadn't told them about me? Were they afraid I would whisk him back to Kyoto and they would never see him again? Actually I intended the reverse – if these were the sort of friends Eiri had here in Tokyo, if life here in the capital could be this colourful, I would be only too happy to support Eiri's desire to avoid the temple life and remain here. Perhaps when I told him how well I'd gotten along with his fashionable Tokyo friends he would warm to the idea of life with me…

"But you haven't told me how you met Eiri-san," I prompted, as the chilly silence descended over us once more.

I heard Shuichi exhale softly. "He… read my lyrics, one night in the park," he said vaguely.

"And he liked them?"

"He said they were crap."

"Oh!" A nervous giggle escaped me. "And… so… he offered to help you with them…?"

"…Yeah. Something like that…" Shuichi slowly lifted his head, his eyes growing suddenly wistful. "He… came to our debut concert. I challenged him and he came, he really came… Actually it was Ask's concert, but we're better than Ask! I was so nervous that night, and when I saw Yuki in the crowd, I…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter."

"It sounds as though it was a very special night for you, Shindou-san," I offered, hoping to keep him talking, hoping to coax back that warm, friendly smile, hoping for some sort of reassurance that all would be well.

He looked right at me then, his eyes glowing feverishly. But before I could make sense of it, I realised Tatsuha had stopped in front of a very exclusive looking block of flats. "Well, here we are," he said with an ironic look at each of us, "last chance to bail out!"

I hardly heard him. "Eiri…" I whispered under my breath, my chest growing tight.

We made our way up in the lift in silence. All morning I had been buzzing with a strange, unnatural energy after a whole night without sleep and twenty-four hours plus crammed with new experiences. Now, just as I was within sight of my goal, all that energy seemed to ebb away, leaving a dull sense of panic. As the lift doors swished open and we stood before Eiri's door I was seized by the urge to bolt. Only the prospect of humiliating myself before my companions after already causing so much trouble held me back.

And a moment later, Eiri himself was standing before me, turning a silently scowling gaze from me to Tatsuha. I hardly heard the words Tatsuha spoke; completely forgot the long speech I had been rehearsing for weeks; could only mumble a few silly words of apology to my fiancé as I felt my face grow very hot and my head began to swim. All I remember was Eiri welcoming me with that same distant courtesy before my world started to dissolve around me.

* * *

I don't know how long I slept, but when I awoke it took me several minutes to realise where I was. Then I saw Eiri seated nearby, a book open in his hands, blinking at me through his rimless spectacles.

"Did I wake you?"

At first I could not answer. The quiet intimacy of this precious moment seemed to cast a spell over me, and I was afraid to break it with words. I was in Eiri's flat – I was finally in Eiri's world, the world he occupied by choice. Simple, sparse, functional… tasteful. It was austerely masculine, lacking a woman's touch, but that was pleasing to me. It meant no other woman was being allowed to make herself at home here. Feeling the warmth of a blanket around me, I was finally compelled to offer a word of thanks.

"You must think me a little fool," I said at length, drawing the blanket tight around myself, "but I had to see you. On my own." I took a deep breath. This was it; this was the moment I had longed for, the moment I had come all this way for. I must use it well. But it was so overwhelming – I was finally here, alone with Eiri, just the two of us. I could reach across and touch him. I could open my heart to him. There would be no room left for doubt. If only Eiri would give some response – some sign that it meant something to him too. But he just fixed his inscrutable gaze on the book in his lap and remained silent.

"I… care for you, Eiri-san," I whispered, my throat constricting as tears stung my eyes, "I need you to know that. I had thought an arranged engagement was meaningless, but I can't seem forget you. I… I couldn't just give up…"

I wanted to go on, to tell him how desperately, how absolutely I loved him, that I did not care about the rumours and the gossip about his past or his present and that I would do anything to make him happy, but the words just would not come. He was utterly still, watching me now with eyes that seemed to see through me and past me and yet revealed nothing of their owner's thoughts. The characteristic stillness I had first become conscious of watching him give interviews suddenly seemed to sum up his attitude to others - no energy expended on lavish gestures or unnecessary changes in facial expression just to put another person at their ease. No wasting a smile when he could get what he wanted without one. When it was required – when, for example, the interviewer was challenging or impertinent, he could be absolutely charming, winning them over quite easily. But only when it was required.

All at once he stirred, getting to his feet with that same economical grace, taking his glasses off and laying the book aside. I could not help a small thrill of excitement. If this was one of his novels, it was surely here that Eiri would take me in his arms, warn me that I was insane to love a man like him but then force a kiss upon me, throwing down the challenge for me to surrender to his will or flee with my honour intact. But then again, his novels usually ended unhappily…

"Would you like something to drink?"

Our moment was over. I knew it, and yet my heart fought against it. I caught hopelessly at his sleeve as he passed. "Just a while longer?" I pleaded, longing against all reason for a smile… a word… a caress… Did it really mean so little to him to be alone with me? Was he so used to the intimate company of women that my presence left him completely unaffected? "Stay with me, just a while longer?"

He did not turn. His expression hardly changed beyond a tightening of the muscles in his jaw. "I'm living with him," he said almost harshly, "Shindou Shuichi. I'm living with him."

Living… with…

Absurdly, my mind refused to process the true meaning of his words. Was he telling me I couldn't stay here because Shuichi was renting the spare room? Slowly the fog cleared and the true glaring reality broke through. It all made sense. All at once, everything that had happened that morning made perfect sense. The odd looks, the confusion as to whose fiancé I was. Tatsuha's reluctance. Hiro's embarrassment. Shuichi's ambivalence. Even Eiri's reticence. It would seem that the joke was well and truly on me.

"May I use your shower, Eiri-san?" I heard myself ask.

He actually looked relieved. "Of course. I'll get you some fresh towels."

I struggled to my feet, looking about the room with eyes no longer blinded by ignorance. The computer perched on the coffee table. The synthesiser propped up against one wall. The bulging, garishly coloured CD wallets stacked haphazardly by the stereo system. The box labelled _Sakuma Ryuichi - American Tour _lying beside the video player. When I had first scanned the room for signs of a rival, I had been looking for entirely the wrong clues.

* * *

I sat on the shower floor with my knees drawn up to my chest and let the water pelt down upon me as I cried and cried and cried. Anger, heartbreak, humiliation or despair – I did not know which made me cry the hardest. So much for my great Tokyo adventure! My fiancé was living with another man. My fiancé was _sleeping _with another man. _My fiancé was making love with another man!_

Had Mika-san known all along? Was that the true reason she was so anxious for Eiri to marry? Had she chosen me not because I could be good for her brother but because she thought I was naïve enough to be fooled into accepting a husband who really preferred boys? Was that the real reason Seguchi-san did not quite approve of the match?

And to add insult to injury, my two delightful new friends weren't really my friends at all – one of them was actually my rival! How long had they known? And why had Shuichi insisted I be allowed to see Eiri? Did he already know I was heading for a fall? Was I just being used for some sort of lover's ultimatum - _you tell her about us or I will?_

Shindou Shuichi. It was all his fault. I hated him. _I hated him!_

TBC


	4. Yuki is MINE!

**THE ONE WHO MAKES HIM SMILE by Moon71**

**CHAPTER 4: YUKI IS MINE!!!!!**

**Summary: **Ayaka and Eiri go to Bad Luck's concert. A showdown is in the offing…

**Author's Notes: **What can I say? Such wonderful reviews, yet again. I hope to reply to them, but if I don't, please don't think each one isn't cherished!

The notes I gave for the last chapter really belong more to this one, so I'll repeat them…

Once again I'm following the anime fairly closely. I have watched both the subtitled Japanese and the English (American) dub a number of times, and prefer some bits in one, some bits in the other. Which version I have used for dialogues reproduced here depended on which I thought sounded better on paper. But I did rather like the Rome Elliot Yuki's particular tones in the pre-concert scene with Ayaka – that mixture of bored and bewildered…

* * *

Getting Eiri to do what I wanted was almost laughably easy. I told him I wanted to purchase a change of clothes and some toiletries and he willingly lent me the money and drove me into town, agreeing to collect me in one hour. As soon as he was out of sight I hailed a taxi and asked him to take me to back to the NG building.

My heart was pounding in my ears as I burst into the recording studio; my eyes were still burning from all the tears I had shed. As soon as I saw Shuichi all that anger boiled to the surface and I struck out wildly, almost knocking him off his feet. I shouted at him that Eiri had told me everything, accusing him of lying to me and laughing at me behind my back, of only pretending to be my friend. I spat the words at Shuichi but I wanted Hiro to hear them too.

"Ayaka-chan, that's not true!" I heard Hiro protest.

"_Be quiet!"_ I snapped at him, and he drew back as if I had slapped him too. I hoped my words hurt him. Somehow his betrayal cut deeper than Shuichi's. Shuichi might have love as an excuse, if love could possibly be involved in this, but it was more than that. I had _trusted_ Hiro… I had… grown _fond_ of him…

I turned my attention back to Shuichi. "Your relationship has no future," I said with bitter satisfaction, and meant it, or thought I did. Could such a relationship have a future, even if neither of them were in the public eye? I didn't know, I didn't care. I saw a flicker of pain in Shuichi's eyes when I said it and that was enough. "If you continue to see Eiri you will only hurt each other. And besides," I went on, pressing my advantage, "Eiri is _my_ fiancée! _So do not go near him ever again!"_

Blindly I turned on my heel and escaped the consternation I had left behind me. It was only when I reached the lifts that misery threatened to overwhelm me once more and tears filled my eyes. It was all so unfair, so completely unfair. I suddenly felt ashamed of myself for hitting Shuichi – Shindou Shuichi, who smiled so brightly and sang so sweetly. And what would Nakano Hiro think of me now? A silly, jealous little provincial girl who was too naïve to see that her so-called fiancée preferred men? And to think only a few hours ago I had dreamed of moving to Tokyo and getting to know Eiri's friends!

It was then that a deep, gentle voice addressed me in a foreign language.

* * *

We made the journey back to the flat in a heavy silence. Eiri seemed lost in his own world and for once I had no desire to intrude upon it. He had picked up some takeaway food on the way back to collect me but I hardly tasted it. Eiri's manner remained the same as always, polite but impersonal. He didn't ask me how long I intended to stay or how I planned to get home. Perhaps he assumed I could arrange my own affairs. Perhaps things had already been arranged in my absence and he did not think I needed to be told. Perhaps he didn't care – he was just biding his time until I gave up and left, so that he could resume his normal life. With Shindou Shuichi… perhaps.

"Would you like some coffee?" Eiri asked, lighting a cigarette as he emerged from the kitchen. "Or perhaps you'd prefer tea?"

"Are you in love with Shindou-san?" I asked sharply, deliberately ignoring his question.

Eiri glanced toward me, then away again. He took a long drag on his cigarette and exhaled deeply. "Does it matter?"

_Of course it matters, you impossible man! _I felt like screaming at him. "You invited him to live with you," I said pointedly.

"I didn't invite him. He invited himself."

What was that supposed to mean? "Then he doesn't mean anything to you?"

No answer, just the soft sound of Eiri drawing on his cigarette once more. I watched Eiri as he drifted over to the window. Why this reserve? Why now, after he had as good as admitted they were lovers? Either he cared for the young man or he didn't. Was it just possible that Shindou Shuichi had some hold on him, that Eiri really didn't care about him but couldn't get rid of him? Hope flared – but then quickly died as I remembered what Mika-san had said about her husband's powerful protective instincts where his brother-in-law was concerned. Even if Shuichi's band wasn't being promoted by NG, a man with Tohma's wealth and connections would surely have made short work of him.

"Did he know?" I pressed on, "about me?"

"… He knows now," was the vague response.

I felt the pressure of tears build behind my eyes once more. Here I was, alone with the man I loved, and I could not have felt more wretched, more unwanted, more alone – or more bewildered. I had come all this way to gain some sort of understanding of my fiancé's intentions – and desires – only to find myself faced with a greater enigma than I had ever imagined. Could it simply be a case of chronic apathy on Eiri's part? Did he just hang around waiting for things to happen to him – our engagement, Shuichi's cohabiting? It went against everything I knew of him - his present lifestyle, his jealously guarded privacy; his stubborn refusal to placate his family even in the smallest ways. Though it made my heart ache to admit it, even to myself, I could imagine him taking such a complacent attitude to a betrothal to a girl miles away who he hardly knew – but allowing a boy to live with him, just because he could not be bothered to drive him out… it simply did not follow.

"Why did you tell me about Shindou-san?" I asked in a whisper.

"…it had gotten to be a pain…" Eiri answered dully, as if from the depths of a dream.

"Do you mean me? Or Shindou-san?"

"…I don't know…" Eiri sighed. He sounded both bewildered and a little bored.

Perhaps it was both of us, I reflected dolefully. Perhaps, if I hadn't been so impulsive, he could have let things drag on as they were indefinitely. He could even have married me and left me in Kyoto with a kiss and a promise, while keeping Shuichi in Tokyo as some sort of… mistress, for want of a better word. But now that we knew about each other perhaps that all seemed too much like hard work.

I was wasting my time here, that was clear enough to me now. If Eiri did have real feelings for Shuichi, if he hadn't just taken up with him on a whim and Shuichi wasn't just a variation on the endless parade of women rumour suggested trooped their way through his bedroom, he was never going to admit it to me.

I needed to see Shuichi again. Earlier today I had been too filled with outrage, with a bitter sense of betrayal to even think of questioning him. Now I realised I had wasted a valuable opportunity. But there might be other opportunities… I was not on the way back to Kyoto yet…

Suddenly I recalled that bizarre conversation I had had on my way out of the NG building that morning, with that gigantic blonde American person who claimed to be Bad Luck's manager. He had wanted me to bring Eiri to the concert tonight. I couldn't believe the temerity of the man – hadn't he just witnessed my fight with his lead singer? But he insisted he didn't care about what he called our "little domestic" – he just wanted Shuichi to do his best on stage and if Eiri was there, the best is what Shuichi would give. While I was still absorbing his words, he pressed two tickets into my hand and disappeared.

All at once I knew what I wanted. What I _needed_. To see Eiri and Shuichi together. It was possible that Shuichi's natural, open-hearted manner was all a front, but I decided that I did not believe that. Nor, now I considered it, did I think he had known about my connection to Eiri until that morning, or ever intended to hurt me. All the same, I really didn't know anything about him. Perhaps he had many boyfriends and Eiri meant nothing; perhaps he just liked the use of Eiri's flat and Eiri's Mercedes and Eiri's credit cards – and Eiri's connections, I noted, thinking of Seguchi Tohma – and he was only afraid of losing all of that. If all that was true I would take great pleasure in sending him packing.

If.

One way or other, I needed to see what I was up against. I needed to see for _myself, _before Mika-san or Uesugi-san or anyone else could rearrange the facts to keep me contented.

"I'm not giving up," I said boldly, "not if you truly intend to break it off with him. Please… come with me."

Eiri turned slowly. "Come where…?"

I dared to look him straight in the eye. "To Bad Luck's concert," I told him.

* * *

I had never been to a pop concert before. Even before we entered the dimly lit hall my heart was already fluttering with panic – all around me there seemed to be rough looking men smoking and drinking and swearing, though they were almost drowned out by the outlandishly dressed women with their dyed hair and high heels and thickly applied make-up who could did not so much speak as screech every word at the top of their lungs. Almost unconsciously I shifted closer to Eiri until I was virtually hiding behind him.

When we entered the lobby he led me over to the bar, bought me a soft drink and lit up a cigarette. The sugary drink and the shelter I found in his shadow helped to calm my nerves and I began to look about me with more interest. The crowd seemed less intimidating – the figures around me resolved themselves into ordinary boys and girls no older than I was, just presented a little differently. I got used to the cacophony of voices, even started to follow one or two conversations, most of which, I noted with increasing amusement, involved a debate as to who was "hotter", Shuichi or Hiro, and whether either of them had a girlfriend, and how one girl had worn her shortest skirt and another borrowed her sister's stilettos for the night and how, if they managed to get to the front of the stalls, "Shindou-san" might just notice them.

"Damned groupies," I heard Eiri mutter as he crushed out his cigarette, and I was reminded with a painful jolt of just why we had come here tonight. I watched him closely, but his face remained expressionless as he put his hand very lightly on my arm and steered me into the hall.

My pulse was racing as the audience began to clap their hands in a slow rhythm, beckoning out the band. Why? I am still not entirely sure. It could have been a premonition of some kind; it could have been in anticipation of some sort of reckoning, though there was every chance that this would be a wasted effort and Eiri would betray nothing of the secrets of his heart. It could even have been something entirely different – the shared experience, the excitement of the crowd, even, in spite of all that had happened to me that day, the wish for Bad Luck to bring the house down.

Moments later a deafening cheer rocked the hall as Shuichi and Hiro entered onto the stage, followed by the little keyboardist I had barely noticed that morning in the studio. If I hadn't seen the huge posters outside the venue I would have had quite a shock – the last time I had seen Seguchi Tohma's cousin Fujisaki Suguru he had been playing with some of my own small cousins at Mika-san's wedding.

Then Shuichi turned to face the crowd. And as if drawn by some inexplicable magnetism, the first person his gaze settled upon was Eiri, standing right at the back. Or, more precisely, Eiri – and me. I didn't have to look at my fiancé's face to know he was staring back, though I could not for the world have said what was going on in his mind.

Suddenly music filled the hall, explosively loud and electronic but overflowing with energy. And Shuichi began to sing.

I wish now I had been able to concentrate more on the singing at that moment, the first time I had really heard him – and Hiro – perform. But I felt too hot and dizzy, too confused by everything I was feeling. Beside me, Eiri had lowered his eyes, his head slightly bent, his features utterly still. Not bored, no… he was shutting out the world so he could listen in peace. I understood the feeling only too well. It was as if there were only three of us in that huge venue – Eiri, Shuichi – and me.

And then it happened. In a single moment, it happened, the culmination of all that had happened to the three of us that day, sealing our fates, it seemed, forever. Shuichi's response to the challenge I had hardly wanted to acknowledge I was throwing down.

"_Yuki is all MINE!"_

If Eiri could hear me say this, he would no doubt have sneered at the cliché. But I would still swear it was true – time really did seem to stand still in that room, for at least a minute. Hiro and Fujisaki stopped playing. The crowd stopped dancing and clapping and cheering. There was absolute silence.

Stunned laughter rippled through the crowd. There were several suggestive whistles and a few of those wild girls, remarkably generous in their declared love for Shuichi, began to shout words of encouragement. As curious whispers floated back to us _(Wow! Who's Yuki? Do you think she's here tonight? Whoever she is, she's a lucky little bitch! Hah! Cut out the "lucky" and you've got it right!)_ I would swear on my life that I saw Eiri's ivory skin turn just a little pink. I stared helplessly at him.

All at once the music resumed – and I am sure I did not imagine the exuberance with which the band now played. I saw Hiro laugh joyfully as he tossed back the thick red hair from his shoulders and even Fujisaki, who had been sombre even as a child, was smiling happily. Shuichi was now springing about the stage like a rabbit, spinning in circles and wriggling his hips while his friends took turns to play solo.

"So I belong to him…"

" – Huh - ?"Alarmed, I stared up at Eiri. Not that he was speaking to me; he was hardly aware of me at all. For one foolish second I was genuinely afraid he was angry – with Shuichi, maybe with me too. But there was no anger in his expression. His face was more relaxed than I had ever seen it. And as I watched, he lowered his eyes and produced what was… quite unmistakably… a smile. "He's of the worst kind…" he murmured, "that damn brat…"

"Eiri-san…?" The words were insulting, but the tone was… affectionate. Almost… coy.

We must have been the only two members of the audience who did not applaud when the song was finished.

TBC


	5. After The Music

**THE ONE WHO MAKES HIM SMILE by Moon71**

**CHAPTER 5: After the music**

**Summary: **After Bad Luck's concert, Ayaka has to deal with a painful truth…

**Author's Notes: **I really am so pleased with the reception this story continues to get. I didn't expect many reviews because I know Ayaka isn't always a favourite, but not only have there been more reviews than I expected but the response has been kind, intelligent and mature, both towards me and poor old Ayaka! That will teach me to underestimate Gravitation fans!

Even though Gravitation centres around the relationship between two men, for me, part of its charm is that the female characters who appear are all distinctive, interesting, and in their own way, very strong. Obviously this is only fanfiction and we can all do whatever the heck we want with it, but it does seem a bit of a shame to push the female characters to the back or in some cases kill them off all together! - just to pair together male characters who weren't paired by their creator, especially as, lets face it, the majority of us are rather leaning towards the female persuasion ourselves… but then again, maybe I'm just getting old…

At any rate, Ayaka and Mika were remarkably good fun to write, even if Ayaka's endless formality did prove a bit wearying at times…!

* * *

"Ayaka-chan! It's great you came! Did you like the show?"

The genuine pleasure in Hiro's tone when he stepped out of the dressing room acted as a balm upon my aching heart. At least someone was pleased to see me! He had changed out of his stage clothes into a white t-shirt and a pair of well worn black jeans and there was a towel slung about his shoulders. "You were wonderful, Nakano-san," I said with real feeling, "all of you…" I added, feeling my face grow hot as he grinned happily, "I had no idea you'd be… that is… I don't mean to say…"

"I think I know what you mean," Hiro said, chuckling affably, "when people first hear we're in a band… and take a look at Shuichi…"

"Did you call me, Hiro? I – oh!" Shuichi appeared behind his guitarist, his eyes growing wide as he saw me. "Ayaka! I…"

"I was just telling Nakano-san how much I enjoyed your show," I told him with what I hoped was a conciliatory smile. I was surprised just how little resentment I felt for him now; how well I suddenly seemed to understand him. There was no point on dwelling upon the morality of his relationship with Eiri, or the damage it might do to reputations or careers or family honour. He was in love. Deeply, hopelessly in love. And if I could not sympathise with that, then who could? Perhaps, if Eiri had consented to marry me, if he had shown some enthusiasm for the match, I might feel I had the right to hate. But as it was, one might as well hate a cat for killing birds or a slug for eating cabbage – they did what they had to do, what they could not _stop_ doing without becoming something they were not. There suddenly seemed no point in snatching from someone else something that would still not be mine.

Did I gain some relief from this? Was I happy in my aura of self-sacrificial virtue? Not a bit of it. It was only that the anger had gone, and all that was left was a terrible, empty loneliness.

"I'm… glad you liked it," Shuichi answered me warily, his hand straying – quite unconsciously I think – to the cheek I had slapped that morning. Dressed once again in street clothes, his damp hair sticking in all directions, his face shiny and freshly scrubbed free of stage make-up, it was hard to equate this scruffy, diffident boy with the young man who had just a little while ago been prancing about the stage in a skimpy costume making girls scream. "Uh – is Yuki waiting for you…?"

Hiro rolled his eyes, but I only smiled once more. "Eiri-san has already gone home. He said something about your fans… ah… doing something I couldn't repeat to his Mercedes if he left it alone for too long after the concert…"

Hiro frowned at me. "You mean he just left you here? It's late – how are you going to get home?"

I couldn't help gazing warmly up at him, just for a moment. It really did feel good to know he cared, even if it was only a natural chivalry rather than anything directly to do with me. "Thank you for your concern, Nakano-san, but I will be staying at the Seguchi home tonight. Seguchi-san himself said he would send his private driver for me whenever I was ready." That was true enough; it was one of the conditions upon which Eiri agreed to take me the concert and Mika-san agreed not to descend upon his home. I was not particularly looking forward to facing her, but she had managed to stop my outraged parents from storming in from Kyoto and at least I had been given my chance to see things exactly as they were.

"Say, Ayaka-chan," Hiro said suddenly, "if you don't need to go right away, would you like to get something to eat? I don't know about you, but I'm starving!"

"I – " I hesitated, pretending I did not see Shuichi shifting restlessly behind him. "I would like that very much, Nakano-san. Are you coming too, Shindou-san?" I could not help asking. Perhaps I could be forgiven for taking just a little pleasure in his discomfort?

"Oh… no, I'm not really hungry, I'm just really tired after tonight…" he said with a completely unconvincing air of indifference, "I guess I'll just go home…"

He didn't say which home he had in mind, but that was hardly a difficult question to answer. He looked rather nervous as he said his good-byes, afraid, I guessed, of what reception he might get. But I had seen Eiri during the concert, and for me the answer to that was not difficult either.

* * *

The drive back to Kyoto began in an awkward silence. I think Mika-san and I were feeling much the same way, and that made it difficult. We were both feeling a little angry with one another, and perhaps a little guilty too.

"You knew about Shindou-san, didn't you?" I said at last, unable to keep the accusative tone from my voice.

Mika waited until we crossed onto the motorway to roll down the driver's window and light a cigarette. "Yes, I knew. But it isn't the way it looks. It hasn't been going on for long – a month or two. And before that I swear to you Eiri had never…" she trailed off with a frown. "I don't like it. It… worries me. Tohma thinks it could be good for Eiri," she added reluctantly, "he thinks they could inspire one another. But Tohma sees something in Shuichi, something he likes… all that youth and exuberance… I think it reminds him of his Nittle Grasper days. And I think that affects his judgement. Shuichi reminds _me _of something completely different. To me, he just seems like a disaster waiting to happen…"

I didn't know what to say to that, conscious as ever of not knowing the whole story, so I remained silent, thinking over the events of the night before. Hiro had been so kind to me during our meal, even when I started to cry. I hadn't meant to, but when I confessed to Hiro that Eiri never looked at me the way he looked at Shuichi, it was as if I was confessing it to myself at the same time and it hurt so badly. Hiro sat patiently while I recovered myself; he passed me a tissue to dry my eyes and as I took it he briefly touched my hand. I looked up into his eyes, then, and when he smiled at me, I felt that now familiar, pleasant surge of warmth rise through my body, alleviating the despair weighing so heavily upon my soul.

"Don't give up on Eiri, Ayaka-chan," I heard Mika say, "I really don't think this will last… and I still think you could be so good for him…"

I didn't have an answer for that either. I didn't want to add to Mika's cares. The night before I had gone quickly to the spare bedroom Mika offered, being too tired and too drained to want to linger. But in the early hours I had been awoken by the murmur of voices and had slipped down for a glass of water. As I passed the lounge I could not help glancing in – Seguchi-san was leaning back in his wife's arms as they sat on the large, plush couch, and they were conversing in whispers. Seguchi-san looked exhausted.

After that I had been unable to sleep. All I could think of was the concert, of how divided I had felt throughout Bad Luck's performance. They _were_ good, far better than I'd imagined. I liked the music and I found that I loved Hiro's guitar solos most of all; it sent shivers through me as the whole audience became fixed upon him. But every time I really began to enjoy myself I caught sight of Eiri and became miserable all over again.

After Shuichi's dramatic avowal, Eiri no longer listened with his head inclined. His gaze was fixed directly upon the stage – upon Shuichi, to be exact. He was watching him with the unmistakable eyes of a lover, hungry and possessive, as if Shuichi was dancing and singing only for him. Watching him as he watched the writhing and gyrating of Shuichi's body I could have dismissed it as mere lust, though that was hardly reassuring. But during the slower songs that lustful look faded and Eiri simply stared. Any other observer might have thought his attitude cold, even disapproving. But I knew better. His features were quite still, quite relaxed. I had never seen him so at peace.

I did not want to believe it. Knowing as I do now the state of relations between Eiri and Shuichi at the time, I seriously doubt if Eiri believed it himself right then, or if Shuichi would have believed it if I had told him. But I felt it clearly. Perhaps it took one to know one, but I knew.

Uesugi Eiri was in love.

TBC


	6. To Make Him Smile

**THE ONE WHO MAKES HIM SMILE by Moon71**

**Chapter 6: To Make Him Smile**

**Rating: **K – generally harmless.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gravitation. Pity, really.

**Dedication: **This time, I think it should simply be to everyone who reviewed "Three Little Words" or didn't review but at least read it – you made a very nervous "first timer" very happy! With particular gratitude to "Piltdown Girl" – you know who you are.

**Summary: **Ayaka finally gets the proposal she has dreamed of, but she quickly suspects that all is not as it seems…

**Author's Note: **I am really, really sorry not have replied to some reviews for the last few chapters – they have been wonderful and I have enjoyed them so much. The Real World intruded on a major scale these last few weeks!!! But I will try to catch up!

So, here is the last part of Ayaka's story – though this obviously isn't her last appearance in the manga or anime, I wanted the story to begin and end within the framework of that particular Ayaka / Eiri / Shuichi love triangle story arc. I do have a sort of sequel half-written.

Hope you've enjoyed this!!!!

* * *

The next time I saw Eiri, he had come to propose.

Life had settled back into its usual routine fairly quickly, once my parents had stopped alternately scolding and demanding to know more of what had happened in Tokyo. In some ways, it was as if Tokyo had been a dream and I had woken to find nothing changed, but in other ways I knew things would never be the same again. Amongst my family and friends I was as I had always been, but alone in my garden or my room I wept many bitter tears. Nothing Mika-san could say now would convince me – all hope was lost. He loved another. Eiri loved another, and nothing would change that. It might not last, but that did not offer any hope. He could have fallen in love with me, and he hadn't. Another had taken centre stage while I waited patiently in the wings.

There were times I thought not only of Eiri, but of Shuichi and Hiro too, even of Seguchi-san and Mika-san and little Fujisaki-kun and all the others I had encountered in Tokyo. Little snippets of news came via Tatsuha, who, while he had the sense not to discuss his brother's romance in public, seemed rather fond of Shuichi – not least because Shuichi had won the favour of his idol, Sakuma Ryuichi. Besides that, I heard almost nothing, not even from Mika-san. And the silence only added to the loneliness I lived with day by day.

Strangely enough, the only thing that comforted me was the one souvenir I had kept from my Tokyo escapade – the tickets Shuichi had given me for Bad Luck's concert. As it turned out, I had not used them after all, though for very different reasons than I had predicted. When I had found them, days later, in my handbag, instead of ripping them to shreds I had pressed them carefully between the leaves of my favourite "Yuki Eiri" novel. They served to remind me that whatever had happened between us since, they had been given with the open-handed generosity that was, fundamentally, Shindou Shuichi.

When my mother told me Eiri had come to call upon me, I felt a small flutter of hope in my heart. Perhaps… just perhaps… But then logic intruded. Of course he hadn't come all this way to tell me he loved me and wanted me to be his wife – that Shuichi had been a terrible mistake. Far more likely he had come to ask that our engagement come to an end. If so I was gratified he at least came directly to me instead of sending Mika-san or speaking to my parents. I brushed my hair, ignored my mother's insistence that I change into my best kimono, and headed out to my garden.

When I first caught sight of Eiri I felt a jolt of real fear. He was sitting on the small stone bench, gazing at the ground and looking absolutely stricken. Set in such a pale face, his eyes looked very red and there were dark shadows beneath them. If it was anyone else but Eiri before me I would have sworn he had been crying, but more likely he had just not been sleeping. Something terrible had happened. Someone had been hurt. Someone was… not Hiro? No, that surely wouldn't stir such emotion in Eiri. Not Shuichi? No, I did not want that, whatever wicked thoughts I might once have entertained, however much I had wanted him to be gone, to vanish out of Eiri's life, I did not want _that! _

When he saw me his expression hardened into a mask more rigid and cold than I had ever seen before, though he could not quite hide the pain in those tired eyes so he kept them averted. And then, to my utter astonishment, he formally asked for my hand in marriage.

"But – what about Shuichi?" I asked, too astonished to remember to use the polite form of address.

Eiri's expression did not change. "That's over. It's all over. I've moved back to Kyoto. There's no reason I can't continue my writing from here."

"But – _why?"_ I could not let it go. "Eiri-san…"

"It was a mistake. He should never have been with me." Eiri spoke very softly, as if the words were choking him. I saw his hands fold into fists before one of them found its way into his jacket pocket and drew out a packet of cigarettes. He lit one and inhaled deeply. "I understand if you need time to consider…"

"Yes," I gasped, feeling my own chest tighten, "yes, I need time."

Eiri nodded, rose and bowed, but just as he was making his way out of the garden I called his name once more.

"Eiri-san… won't you tell me what's happened…?"

He glanced back over his shoulder, then raised the cigarette to his lips and walked away.

* * *

For an eternity I sat in my garden alone, praying my mother would not come to ask me if Eiri had proposed at last. For the last time, I wept over Uesugi Eiri, knowing it was absolutely over before it had ever really begun. That by the very act of proposing marriage to me, Eiri had killed the last of my hopes forever. Then I began to think about what I should do next.

When my mother finally arrived I insisted all was fine, that Eiri had indeed proposed and I intended to accept. I could not stop her running to tell my father at once. The house buzzed with excitement. Within hours, Mika-san was calling to congratulate me, though I could hear the hesitation in her voice. I listened inattentively to the arrangements being made. Whatever had happened, she knew something about it, but I knew she would not tell me. Apparently I had no more than two days. As soon as I had a moment alone, I slipped out of the house and went hunting.

* * *

Tatsuha complained most of the way to Tokyo. I couldn't hear much of what he was saying as I clung on the back of his motorbike, and wasn't interested besides. As we travelled I wondered exactly what had gone wrong between Eiri and Shuichi. Perhaps, after all, Shuichi had proved unfaithful or unworthy in some other way. But I couldn't make myself believe it. Something had happened – something that had shaken Eiri terribly enough to send him scurrying back to Kyoto like a startled rabbit diving for its burrow. Move back here? Give up his Tokyo life? Accept a quiet married life? I could not believe it.

I was not to learn the full truth that day, or for several years after. Even when Hiro finally told me, I was conscious of missing pieces to the story, of factors even he did not understand. All I knew that day was that more things were being kept from me, that once again others were deciding how much I should be allowed to know.

It was evening by the time we finally arrived outside Eiri's flat. No-one was there, though Tatsuha insisted Shuichi had a key and would almost certainly come back here, unless he already knew Eiri was gone. It seemed unlikely – from what Tatsuha said, Eiri had only told his own family after he had come to see me, and had given very little away.

"I still don't understand," Tatsuha complained as he helped me dismount, "why are you doing this? I thought you were crazy about my brother!"

"I love Eiri-san," I told him quietly, and he looked away, embarrassed. "That is why I have to do this."

"And you _really_ want me to…"

"If I'm right, then yes."

"Ayaka-chan, this idea is so stupid it could have been invented by Shuichi himself!"

I could not help smiling. "Shindou-san and I have many things in common, haven't you noticed that yet?"

"Well, I did tell him you and he were the same…" Tatsuha grumbled, wandering off and muttering something about getting some drinks.

At last they arrived, just as they knew they would. Once again, Hiro greeted me with a grin that made me blush as I thanked him once again for looking after me that day. Then he told me cheerfully that Shuichi was giving up on Eiri.

I stared hard at Shuichi, who squirmed uncomfortably. Eiri was not the only one looking wretched – Shuichi had obviously been drinking and even standing still he was a little unsteady on his feet, but it was more than that. He looked tired and pale and I thought I could see the shadow of a bruise on his jaw. As he turned his head away I also saw what looked like a deep scratch on his slender neck, surrounded by faint red marks. It looked almost as if someone had tried to…

Eiri? No, I refused to believe that.

I also refused to believe what I was hearing. Shuichi was giving up on Eiri? Just like that? Had I been so very wrong about him? Whatever had happened between them, he surely wasn't giving up the fight so easily? What could Eiri have possibly done? The more I questioned him, the more sullen and uncommunicative he became. I looked toward Hiro for help, but the guitarist turned away awkwardly. He knew the truth, that was clear. And it couldn't simply be that Eiri had done something to Shuichi, for knowing how much Hiro seemed to love Shuichi, if it had simply been Eiri's fault he would surely be defending his friend as loudly as possible.

Anger flashed within me. I could not stand it. He couldn't just throw away something that was so precious to me and which I could not have. For the second time in my life I lashed out violently, striking Shuichi on the cheek.

"I misjudged you, Shindou-san," I said coldly, "I suppose it was the depth of your feelings for Eiri-san which misled me. Perhaps I misjudged those as well. Well, it doesn't matter now. Yesterday I received a formal proposal of marriage from Eiri-san. I will accept him and then he'll be mine. The relationship between the two of you will officially be over."

For a moment he stared at me in disbelief. Then I saw the fear, the anger, the defiance, all in one fleeting glance, and knew I had not misjudged him at all. In the blink of an eye he was gone, leaving me alone with Hiro.

"At this rate, that is…" I murmured, not turning to see where he went; a second later I heard the slam of the front door.

"Ayaka-chan...?" Hiro looked at me in confusion. Then his gaze shifted to Tatsuha, who had reappeared holding a couple of cans. I pointed silently to the house. Muttering something under his breath, he shoved the cans at Hiro and headed after Shuichi. "Ayaka-chan…" Hiro repeated urgently.

"Would you like to have dinner, Nakano-san?" I asked, giving him what I hoped was my sweetest smile.

* * *

I managed to stay two days in Tokyo while things cooled down at home. This time I had planned properly and brought enough money to find a decent hotel, and Hiro kept me company most of the time. When he came to meet me to tell me he had heard from Shuichi, and that he and Eiri were returning to Tokyo together, he eyed my serene manner doubtfully. "Ayaka-chan, are you really okay with the way things turned out? You did all that on purpose…"

I felt a lump gather in my throat, but I swallowed it. "I realised Eiri-san would not be happy married to me," I said softly, "and I want Eiri-san to be the happiest person in the world…"

"And you think Shuichi can make him happy…?" There was gentle amusement in Hiro's voice.

"I think Eiri-san… loves him," I whispered, blushing at my own forwardness.

Hiro's brows rose, but then a strange shadow passed across his eyes, as if he was recalling something unpleasant, and then he heaved a heavy sigh. "Perhaps he does at that... at any rate, I hope so, for Shuichi's sake. The poor kid's been through enough these last few weeks without Yuki fucking him over – " Hiro caught himself and apologised, but I just smiled sympathetically, half hoping, half dreading that he might elaborate.

He didn't. "All the same, Ayaka-chan, I… I know how you feel about Yuki-san… for you to just step aside like that…"

"Do you think I'm stupid?" I asked, genuinely needing to know.

Hiro smiled. "No. I think you're… remarkable."

I blushed even harder. "You're sure you don't mind driving me home?"

Hiro shook his head. "Ayaka-chan…" he hesitated, and I saw that he was blushing too, just a little. "Perhaps… you… would you like my mobile number? I mean, just in case you… if you ever wanted to come to one of our concerts…or just wanted a lift to Tokyo… I mean, just because you and Yuki-san won't be… y'know, it doesn't mean you and I… no, I mean, I'm sure Shuichi would like it too, if we all stayed in touch…"

I did not know where this was going to lead, but after all, it would seem I was surprisingly well suited to a life of excitement and uncertainty and change. "I would like that very much, Nakano-san," I said.

* * *

I placed the steaming cup before Eiri. "Please…"

He lifted it, turned it in his hands to admire it, then drank and placed it between us.

"You're a very cruel man," I whispered.

Eiri kept his gaze fixed upon the cup and did not answer. Why, _why_ was he doing this to me? Was this some clumsy attempt to set me free? But no, as he raised his head I saw the faraway look in his eyes and knew it was really was all for _him,_ Shindou Shuichi, the one who could make him smile.

I was sorely tempted to refuse outright, out of pure contrariness. But where would that leave me? Where would it leave Hiro? I had had my chance at Eiri and I had given him willingly to Shuichi, and the very fact he was here now proved that I had been right. Despite the expensive suit, the conservatively fashionable haircut, the perfect manicure, everything exactly the same as the first time he had come to see me in my garden, he looked younger, softer, happier. A little troubled, I thought – but then again, perhaps it was more that he was no longer as good at hiding himself from the eyes of others. I thought about how he had been that day in his flat; how he gave the determined air of one who was politely bored with everyone and everything around him. He would have difficultly in convincing me of that now.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" I dared to ask. "Shindou-san?"

Eiri glanced sharply up at me, angry, also a little confused. Maybe he still did not recognise it yet himself.

For a moment I let the silence hang between us. Then I nodded. "All right. I will go and see Nakano-san."

Eiri's lips twitched, but the smile died before it was born. "You're very gracious, Ayaka-san. Would you like me to…?"

"I will get Tatsuha-san to drive me to Tokyo tomorrow," I told him. I drew the line at being presented to Hiro like a gift – let alone like a love-token from Uesugi Eiri to Shindou Shuichi.

It did give me a pleasant shiver of excitement to think that Hiro cared that much – and in an odd sort of way I supposed I should be grateful to Eiri for letting me know. Nor would I try to hide from Hiro the truth about how I had learned of his tender feelings – I had too much respect for his intelligence for that. But I could come to him unescorted, could chase away the idea that I was still Eiri's willing fool to command. If there was indeed to be something more than friendship between Hiro and me, we needed to start afresh, to cut ourselves free of the needs and the desires of others.

Eiri bowed deeply to me; I bowed in return and a moment later he was gone.

Yes, I thought as I cleared away the tea things, yes, I would go to Tokyo tomorrow. Perhaps I could bring a smile back to Hiro's face. And perhaps that smile would be for me alone.


End file.
